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(We begin with the camera panning aroud the area. The Murfreesboro crowd is jacked, and ready to go. The camera swings around to the broadcast location. See Red Simmons, Luke Williamson, and Racky Wreenkle. Racky'sd still in his wheelchair, and is still carrying the TWF Cruiserweight title belt.)
RED: Welcome one and all, it's TWF Sunday Night! And the action is hot and heavy...
RACKY: Careful Red... yer making this sound like an X-Rated video.
LUKE: Don't listen to Racky folks, he's just an idiot with connections...
(The cameras pan to the outside of the wrestling venue in Murfreesboro where a large crowd of half-naked hippies parade about in filthy blankets, tie-dyed shirts and oversized "peace sandals." Many are smoking pot and jamming to James Brown's "I Got You (I Feel Good)." The crowd's make-up is primarily teenage girls outnumbering boys and young men two to one. The Age of Aquarius lives! Spirits are running insanely high, and the party atmosphere is amazing. We crane down into the crowd amongst the "Boosters for Lou Szer's (Cause, that is). All smiles and peace signs, this crowd proudly displays their Lou Szer merchandise and artwork. Lou Szer tie-dyed T-shirts, foam fingers, replica sunglasses and finger cymbals, and fan program pics are proudly worn at every turn.)
HIPPIE #1: Rock on! Rock on! I feel good!
HIPPIE #2: Let the good times roll! All right! Tell mama!
HIPPIE #3: LOU ROCKS! WHOOOO!-HOOOO
(Fade back to the broadcast location)
LUKE: So wait... we have Dickheads who follow Dickie.... would these people be Lou-Heads?
RACKY: I call them Ganja smoking buffoons myself.
RED: Whomever they are, they were even here earlier tonight, as some matches were taped for released on TWF Home Video... being the kind of person he is, Chris Haney asked us to show some of the footage here tonight... so here we go...
DARK MATCHES
Barry Savage vs Buddy Booker
Barry asserted himself as the TV Champion in this match. Buddy Booker never knew what hit him, and after Barry hit his own version of The Texas Lariat, Buddy Booker started counting the lights
Winner: Barry Savage
Darrel vs Steve Lombardi
The Ol Brooklyn Brawler came out of obscurity (and the WWF backstage) to face Darrel. Too bad Darrel is about 20 years younger, and much quicker then Lombardi. Darrel iced him easy, one Darrel Drop lateyr, and Lombardi got a good ol fashioned stretcher ride.
Winner: Darrel
The Dickheads vs The Tacos
The tag team formerly known as The Dweebs came out to face The Tacos. Their T-shirt were interesting. On the front it said "Dickheads..." on the back it said "We always RISE to the occasion", and they did beating the Tacos without any trouble
Winners: The Dickheads
HBM vs "Edna"
"Edna" tuned out to be an out of work Dustin Rhodes dressed in drag. After HBM chased "Edna" around for a while. "Edna" hightailed it out of the ring, giving HBM the countout victory.
Winner: Heartbreak Meyers
The Wakkos vs The Alaskans
The Wakkos proved to the crowd early why they are the tag champs. How do you beat a team that's so... well... Wakko! The Alaskans thought of using chairs, but that didn't work. One Suicide Drop later, and the champs retained
Winners: The Wakkos
JackylFan vs The Green Booger
Who wants to touch a guy named The Green Booger. Not JackylFan.... but with one bottle of VooDoo busted over Booger's head, JF wins. He cried over the loss of VooDoo... but won the match none the less
Winner: JackylFan
Lord Byron III vs Bam Bam Bell
In his second match of the night LB3 got his butt handed to him by the former TWF legend Bell. But all swung better for LB3 when Bell slipped off the top rope, and LB3 was able to hit The Superstar Kick for the victory
Winner: Lord Byron III
Mike Haggar vs Elmer Adonis Jr.
Would Mike Haggar be able to lift the rotund Elmer for The Enforcer? Yes, and it didn't take him long.
Winner: Mike Haggar
Gideon Trait vs CD Carrol
Stink Tank in da Hizouse! Well... at least half for now. Oscar was in the back enjoy sandwiches provided by Arbys Arby's: Great Food for Grown Up People.... and Oscar of The Stink Tank oh yeah there was a match. Gideon wins with the Dumbass Drop
Winner: Gideon Trait
(Fade back to the broadcast location)
RED: What exciting action!
RACKY: Exciting? Those were all squashes man, that was about as exciting as My Dad's farts.
LUKE: This is weird... according to my sheets, we're supposed to be having Chris Staggs vs Wolvie right now.
(Fade backstage... see Motorhead Massacre beating Chris Staggs with a chair, and Wolvie laying down behind him bloodied.)
RED: And this is the guy Chris and Bill chose to give a TV title shot to? This guy is a friggin nut!
RACKY: He knows how to get the job done Red... and that's something you just don't see everyday!
LUKE: This is three matches in two weeks this nutjob has caused to get cancelled, he should be fined, suspended...
RACKY: Or given a big ass push!
(The cameras cut back to the large crowd gathered outside. The Lou Szer crowd has not dissipated; has, in fact, grown substantially. The song of the moment is "I Saw Her Again Last Night" performed by The Mamas and The Papas. The chant overwhelming the proceedings is that of "Winner!" "Winner!" Suddenly the unmistakable roar of motorcycle motors tears through the other noise and quiets the crowd just a little bit. A pack of enormous escorts sporting leather jackets that read "Lou Szer's Boozers: Murfreesboro" thunders into the crowd on Harley Davidson motorcycles. They are a reprehensible and unpleasant lot, made up of half-drunk pool players and malicious bar patrons. They storm into the crowd waving baseball bats and pool cues, and succeed in dispersing many of the "Boosters." They are heartily booed and showered by bottles of Coors and Budweiser cans. Following in their wake is that familiar large "love bus," bearing murals of swirling rainbows and dancing Care Bears. The crowd chooses to turn its attention from the "Boozers" and starts chanting "Winner!" "Winner!" "Winner!" The bus door slides open, and Lou Szer steps out, arms raised to the heavens.)
Lou Szer: Hey, yo!
(The crowd erupts into a party atmosphere yet again. Bouquets of flowers and lovely silk skirts shower Lou. He raises his right arm to the crowd.)
Lou Szer: Could I have a moment of silence please? I've got something downright existential to say. So please… Just a moment of quiet, please. I'm serious. Thank you.
(Lou plants his arms before him, and clasps his hands together. The crowd quiets, and the skies seem to dim. A giant spotlight, as if sent from the heavens to earth by God, shines directly on Lou.)
Lou Szer: (importantly) Tonight, as I stand here before you, I have one very, very important thing to say.
(Lou pauses for dramatic effect, then lowers his sunglasses. The tension is so thick you couldn't cut it with a chainsaw. The crowd stands in awed silence. Lou winks.)
Lou Szer: JUST KIDDING!
(The crowd blows up in laughter and cheers. Lou throws his arms to the sky.)
Lou Szer: Guess… who's… IN… DA… HOUSE?!!!???!?!
The Crowd: (collectively) LOU SZER! LOU SZER! LOU SZER!
Lou Szer: I AM A WINNER! A WINNER! WHOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOO!
(Lou breaks into a wild dance, clapping his finger cymbals and stamping his wooden sandals in joy. The crowd follows suit, chanting his name the whole time.)
"LOU SZER! LOU SZER! LOU SZER!"
LUKE: Lou Szer gets that kind of enterance... and we barely get graphics saying our names
RACKY: It is kinda unfair Lance
LUKE: My name is Luke
RACKY: IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!!!
(Motorhead Massacre walks down the aisle, in front of him is a shopping cart full of weapons, he reaches ringside and starts top toss them into the ring)
RED: Does he realize that this is not a hardcore style match, this is for the TV title?
(Barry Savage steps out from behind the curtain with a microphone)
BARRY: You want hardcore? I'll give you hardcore... ring the {BLEEP} bell!
LUKE: OK... I guess this has turned into a hardcore match.....
HARDCORE MATCH FOR TV TITLE
Motorhead Massacre vs Barry Savage (C)
(Savage runs down the aisle, and tosses a branding iron, and bullrope into the ring, he enters, but is knocked off of the apron into the shopping cart.)
RACKY: Wow, it's like when we used to put nerds into trash cans back in school... except that this time it's a nerd in a shopping cart!
(Motorhead bounces off of the ropes on the other side, and dives over the top rope into a splash on both Barry and the shopping cart)
RED: Holy lord! Motorhead Massacre is brutally nuts!
RACKY: I think Savage is cut open.... I haven't seen Savage bleed for a long time... it's cool!
(Motorhead tosses Barry into the ring, he powerslams Barry on to a steel chair. He drops an elbow, but Barry moves)
LUKE: Elbow drop on to the chair... that'll mess with the funny bone
(Barry hooks Motorhead up, and brings him over in a vertical suplex. Barry grabs his bullrope and starts to swing it around like a lasso)
RED: I fear whats about to happen
RACKY: Giddyap!!!
(Barry throws the lasso, but Motorhead ducks, the lasso lands around the post, Motorhead pulls the rope sending Barry into the corner. Motorhead hooks Barry up, and brings him over in a belly to back suplex. Motorhead climbs to the top rope)
LUKE: Motorhead is going for the kill
RED: But wait, by the guardrail!
(See a man hop the guardrail, and nail Motorhead with a chair. Motorhead falls headfirst on to the branding iron)
RACKY: Wow!
LUKE: That's Paul Richards, Paul Richards has come from the crowd to claim his revenge on Motorhead Massacre!
(Barry Savage covers. Referee counts: 1--2--3!)
The Winner:
Barry Savage
RED: Barry Savage has retained his TV title, but is that really the story.
(See Paul Richards and Motorhead Massacre brawling, security rushes out and breaks the fight up.)
(The television cameras cut to a hallway in the backstage area. We are thrust through a large metal door into a room fitted with several couches, a few small coffee tables, and a portable TV. Mike Haggar sits leisurely in a recliner, flanked by his legal team, "Team Domination."The key players are in attendance. Roy, the group financier. Susie, expert contract negotiator. Lou, world-class. There's Al and Todd, twin brothers and Mike's personal physical trainers. And finally Jackie, Haggar's primary speechwriter and personal assistant. Haggar has the TWF Tennessee heavyweight title draped nonchalantly over a side table, using it as a coaster. The team members are leaning forward, in a heated discussion. We have stumbled upon them at an inopportune time.Haggar is absently watching the TV, which displays last Sunday's match against OutKast.)
ROY: … We could try to defer some of the off-shore accounts towards him.It would send the message to the higher-ups that we mean business here.
HAGGAR: (bored) How much?
ROY: Well, I think that this man could be had for… Well, about three million.
(The image on the TV shows Dan Sweeny yanking OutKast off the ring apron. OutKast lands awkwardly on the concrete floor.)
HAGGAR: (rolling it over his tongue) Three million dollars…
SUSIE: (cutting in) But we've never resorted to that kind of thing. It's amoral!
HAGGAR: (rising to his feet) Welcome to reality. (turns to Roy) You're sure this could be done?
ROY: He's willing to listen.
(On the TV, we see Mike slam OutKast's head into the ringpost. Haggar winces at the blow.)
HAGGAR: (watching the TV intently) Now THAT was a doozy.
TODD: (interrupting) No way, Mike. No way.
HAGGAR: (breaking azway from the TV set) What--?
TODD: No way we pay this guy off.
(The TV displays a shot of Haggar punching Dan backwards into the steel barricade surrounding the ring and protecting the wrestlers from the rabid fans.)
AL: I agree with my brother on this one, boss. You can't come out on top like this! If this gets out, everybody will see just how weak the IWA loyalty is! Just play it safe like you always have. Train hard. You'll win.
HAGGAR: That's true enough, but even I admit that I need help. I haven't got much time left in me, Al. Todd. Look, I appreciate your support, but these are desperate times. Desperate measures are all we got left.
SUSIE: But do we need to play our hand so soon? Couldn't we wait to see if the other guy blinks?
HAGGAR: Susie, I appreciate your trying to help. And listen-I'm no world-class poker player, but I do know when to hold… And when to fold.(A beat) He has a lot of influence on this company. I need somebody like him at my side to show the TWF that the IWA faction is a serious threat. (to Jackie) Have you talked to him today?
JACKIE: Not yet. But I did speak to him on the phone last night.
HAGGAR: What was your impression?
(On the TV, we see Mike nail his devastating finisher, The Enforcer. OutKast's head is twisted violently into the canvas.)
JACKIE: He's sitting on the fence right now, and I think he's ready to jump to your side anyway. But the money would be a great insurance factor.
HAGGAR: Of course. (A beat. Then:) I've never known his ass to turn down the brass…
(On the TV set, we catch an image of Mike's hand being raised in victory. He snatches the Tennessee title belt contemptuously from the referee, and starts hollering some obscenities at Dan Sweeny.)
RED: What in the world could this all mean?
(Fade backstage, Adam Young is brought in in shackles and surrounded by guards. Chris Haney and Bill Gilman walk up to Young)
ADAM: This is unfair... I want my mommy!
BILL: Sorry Adam, you can exercise your out clause all you want
ADAM: Then lemme go!
CHRIS: Ah ah ah, there's this whole matter of being booked to wrestle Dickie Wreenkle tonight. We have an arena full of rabid fans who want to see you get your ass handed to you by my uncle, and we're going to make sure it happens
ADAM: But this is illegal
BILL: Technically, we have you under contract, and that contract states that all this is legal, thank you for signing that new deal so shortly ago Adam, I really appreciate it now. Take him to the ring.
(Both Chris and Bill laugh as we fade back out to the broadcast booth)
RACKY: (Laughing) Oh my god, this is great! Adam Youngs last night in the TWF and he's in shackles!
RED: It is kinda funny...
(See Dickie Wreenkle come down to the ring, the ring has been set up with a pole with a small blue bag hanging from it.)
(Fade back to the aisleway, as the guard escort a still shackled Adam Young down the aisle. They casually toss him into the ring)
VIAGRA ON A POLE MATCH
Dickie
Wreenkle vs Adam Young
LUKE: Are they gonna unshackle him?
RED: Well he's screaming at them to, but it doesnt look like it's gonna happen
(Dickie runs over Adam with a clothesline.)
RACKY: Adam dropped like a log ha ha ha ha ha
(Dickie starts to punch out Adam, Adam cannot deflect the shots due to his shackles)
LUKE: This is hillarious!
(Dickie stands Adam up, and executes The Dickie-Doo Adam is out cold)
RACKY: I think he just pissed himself!
(Dickie climbs the pole, and retrieves the blue bag)
The Winner:
Dickie Wreenkle
RED: And Dickie saves himself a trip to the doctor by getting that Viagra from the pole
RACKY: If I wasn't in this wheelchair I'd stomp Adam one more time before he left!
(As Adam Young is carried out, HST Gonzo makes his way to the ring)
LUKE: HST on his way to the ring...
(The Supremes' "Baby Love" blares on the Public Address system. The hip-hop and tie-dye crowd gets on its feet and begins a massive sing-along as "The Winner!" Lou Szer, decked out in full hippie gear (replete with large heart-shaped pink sunglasses, a crack pipe and a scraggly beard) dances to the ring, arms and legs flailing every which way. He slaps high-fives with members of the crowd and is showered by roses flung courtesy of adoring female fans. Lou dances all the way into the ring. He poses and preens as the ring announcer goes about his business.)
SCOTT: … hailing from Sacramento, standing six feet-one inches tall and weighing in at 172 pounds, the self-professed "Winner!" and a former TCW World tag team champion—
(Lou cuts in, snatching the microphone from the announcer.)
Lou Szer: Now, hang on just one second there, daddy-o. I can do it.
(The crowd cheers wildly. Lou raises his hand in a mock salute and waves to the crowd.)
Lou Szer: Hi. My name is Lou. And I am YOUR KING! Bow before me!
(The Lou Szer fans bow heartily. Lou laughs.)
Lou Szer: Come on everybody! PARTY!
(The crowd dances away. Lou cheers them on before turning to face HST Gonzo, who looks mighty unimpressed.)
Lou Szer: Whoa there, big cat. I don't see you dancing. What's your problem? Don't like to have any fun?
(Gonzo looks ready to respond, but Lou cuts in.)
Lou Szer: Now, don't tell me your still sore about… THAT!
(Lou raises his arms, and the crowd cheers him approvingly.)
Lou Szer: Come now, Gonzo. Can't we just let bygones be bygones? I mean, after all, that was … BACK IN DECEMBER OF 1999! Whoooo-hoooo!
(Lou prances around the ring in mocking gesture. The crowd roars with laughter. Gonzo rolls his eyes.)
Lou Szer: So what you're trying to tell me, in your infinite wisdom Mr. HMO, is that you still have some… ANIMOSITY towards little innocent me about…. DECEMBER 19th of 1999? Answer me now!
(Lou sticks the microphone in Gonzo's face. Again, HST looks set to respond, but Lou pulls the microphone back.)
Lou Szer: Thanks for the kind words. That was VERY ENLIGHTENING there, HMO.
(Gonzo plants his hands on his hips. The Lou Szer fans laugh loudly.)
Lou Szer: You know, just for all the Lou Szer Boosters out there who may not recall, a little thing happened between Mr. HMO and "THE WINNER!" (cheap pop) way back on the 11th of December, 1999. You see, it went a little bit like this. Take a look.
[Lou points to a giant screen positioned over the wrestlers' entrance curtains. It starts to play a montage of footage from the December 1999 TCW pay-per-view set to Chuck Berry's "Maybelline" while Lou provides narration from the ring.]
Lou Szer: (v.o.) It all started like this, one crisp December evening in a city far, far away.
(Some footage is displayed of Lou Szer walking to the ring with Stanley Stanley at his side. They are holding hands.)
Lou Szer: (v.o.) Your TRUE HEROES decided to bring together their incomparable individual skills into one collective unit known as "The S&S Express." Of course, I'm talking about "THE WINNER!" (cheap crowd pop) and Stan Stanley!
(Footage is displayed showcasing a bloodied Lou Szer and groggy Stanley exiting the ring, arms raised in victory. Behind them, Hans, Karl, and Frans Schmidt stand in the ring tearing into the referee. More footage is shown of Lou Szer and Stanley Stanley exchanging high-fives in the locker room and hugging joyfully. We then see some shots of a match featuring Szer and Stanley squaring off against Jobber the Hutt and Elmer Adonis, collectively known as TONS OF FUN! Lou and Stan slinking out of the ring, victorious…]
Lou Szer: (v.o.) And so, with amazing, hard-fought victories over such legendary tandems as THE GERMANS (crowd boos) and TONS OF FUN (crowd boos again. Gonzo is growing restless), the "S&S Express" EARNED the right to square off against the MENACING AND ALMIGHTY THINK TANK later on in the show with a chance at the vacant TCW World tag team titles!
(Lou pauses again. The screen goes black. Gonzo is now sitting in the corner, patiently waiting.)
Lou Szer: Now, HERE'S where the story gets interesting. This is what the world saw. Take a look at the big screen again.
(The fans do. A montage of clips is played showing the Think Tank hobbling to the ring while ringside fans hold their noses in disgust. The announcers speculate:)
Lance: … Dave? Something looks odd here…
Dave: I agree! JF and Gonzo are coming down the aisle together… It looks like they are leaning on each other for support and reciting poetry!
Lance: What's going on here? Is that good ol' VooDoo I smell in the air? I hope the Think Tank didn't start the celebrating too soon? They still have to win the titles!
Dave: JF and Gonzo stagger into the ring. Their eyes are red! These guys look like they're wasted!
(The screen displays various shots from the match. The general sensation generated by the images is that the Think Tank members are just too inebriated to finish off their less-heralded opponents.)
Lou Szer: (v.o.) As you can clearly see, the SPECTACULAR THINK TANK just couldn't seem to finish off these diminutive little punks. Notorious POST-MATCH VooDoo drinkers, it SEEMED to everybody in attendance and watching on pay-per-view that the Tank had broken habit and indulged in fine imported alcoholic beverages BEFORE this match ever even got under way. Try and try though they did, the Tank was just too much IN THE BAG to beat us! BUT that wasn't all… This story has another twist. Watch.
(The screen fades in to a shot of a bathroom stall! From within its bowels, a toilet flushes and a familiar cranky old voice resonates.)
Dickie Wreenkle: (v.o.) Them turds need to stop leaving their junk lying all over the restroom floor!
(Dickie emerges from the stall with SEVEN empty bottles of Beer, VooDoo brand!)
Dickie Wreenkle: (v.o.) Can't a guy take a decent dump without having to look at empty beer bottles all over the floor? I know who these belong to. I'll show them!
(The screen shows images from later in the match. Dave Brown and Lance Russell have the call.)
Dave: The crowd rises to its feet… Look! Here comes Dickie Wreenkle to the ring! Dickie is getting a standing ovation! He's got two empty beer bottles with him!
Lance: Dickie hops up onto the ring apron and smacks one of the bottles over Gonzo's head! But it doesn't break! HST slowly turns around and Dickie SMASHES it over his face! HST collapses off the ring apron and lands in a heap on the outside! Here comes referee Mike Hinson! He rushes towards Dick and tries to order him out of here! Lou Szer is coming into the ring and Dickie tosses him the second bottle right over Hinson's head! I'm not sure Mike saw that! He is intent on getting Dickie out of here! Lou winds up again and SHATTERS the second bottle over JF's head! JF's eyes roll back in his head. He staggers a little before falling to the canvas, unconscious! Lou plants Stan on top of JF and rolls out of the ring. Dickie hops off the ring apron and Hinson turns around to see Stan covering JF! This isn't right! Hinson has no clue what happened behind his back (save for the shards of glass all over the canvas and the heavy scent of VooDoo in the air) and has no choice but to make the count! 1............2..............3!!! NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!! NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!! Lou Szer and Stan Stanley are the NEW TCW World Tag team champions, and it ain't right!
[The screen goes black. Lou Szer stands in the ring pointing at HST Gonzo and laughing. The crowd laughs with him.]
Lou Szer: WE GOT YOU GOOD! Whoooooo-hooooooo!
The Crowd: (chanting) Lou Szer! Lou Szer!
Lou Szer: But wait just a second! Hold on! There's even MORE to this story.
[Lou signals to the crowd for silence. The fans oblige.]
Lou Szer: You see, Stanley and I duped the entire world. We all know that the GREAT Tank doesn't EVER indulge in pre-match drinking. NEVER EVER EVER! And we also knew that they had an easier time reaching the title match than Stan and I. Truth is, we were tired, and needed to even the playing field in some way. So we devised a fiendishly clever plan. NOBODY has seen this footage until now. Take a look.
[The big screen plays some grainy black and white footage courtesy of a security camera planted outside of a locker room labeled "The Think Tank." The time of day on the camera's timer reads 4:34 P.M., some three hours before the fateful tag title bout. We see two men, clearly Lou Szer and Stanley Stanley, sneak into the locker room and out of our sight. We hear their voices from within:]
Lou: (v.o.) Get the whiskey! Get the whiskey!
Stanley: (v.o.) I got it! I got it!
Lou: (v.o.) We gotta do this now. Here… Pour it into their Gatorade!
Stanley: (v.o.) But won't they taste it?
Lou: (v.o.) These guys' taste buds have been dulled considerably by cheap imported beers. Of course they won't be able to taste it! Just pour it!
Stanley: (v.o.) Okay…
[The screen goes black. Gonzo, who is still waiting for Lou to stop his speech, looks downright furious. Lou smiles and waves his finger in front of Gonzo's face.]
Lou Szer: But that's not all! No siree! You see, even with the Think Tank's drinks spiked, Stan and I knew we needed some insurance policy. Just in case the Tank wasn't, well, TANKED by the time we faced them. So we engaged in a little conspiracy to ensure that our backs were watched. Take a look.
[The big screen comes on again. This time it plays some black and white footage courtesy of a security camera planted inside of Dickie Wreenkle's private bathroom stall (complete with extra-absorbent, extra-strength toilet paper and a miniature Rolaids vending machine). It is much later in the day, just prior to the tag title contest. Lou Szer and Stanley Stanley sneak in (courtesy of Stan's key to Dickie's room) with seven bottles of VooDoo beer. They pour their alcoholic contents all over the stall and leave the bottles stacked in the toilet. They sneak away, proud of their work. Screen fades to black.]
Lou Szer: So you see, Mr. HMO, that it was Stan and I who spiked your drinks! It was Stan and I who planted the VooDoo bottles for Dickie to find! And it was Stan and I who BEAT YOUR TUCKUS AND CAPTURED THE WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES! Oh baby! WHOOOO-HOOOO!
[The crowd erupts into a "Whooo-hooo!" Gonzo is getting restless in the corner. Lou sees this and beckons the crowd to lower its tone.]
Lou Szer: Now hold on just a second there, big fella. You know I wouldn't have shown you all this if I didn't feel some sort of remorse for the whole thing. So you know what? I want to extend my personal apologies to you big guy. How about a shake?
[Lou extends his hand. Gonzo wants no part of it. The fans are eating the whole scene up.]
Lou Szer: All right, you big poo-poo head. If THAT'S how you're gonna be about it, I take rescind my apologies and instead send you my DEEPEST and DARKEST wishes for a BAD DAY!
(Lou spins around, bends over, plants the microphone in front of his buttocks and just RIPS off a mammoth BOMB!)
(HST Gonzo's face fills with anger, and he rushes Lou, and takes him over with a huge side slam)
LUKE: And this match is underway...
HST Gonzo vs Lou Szer
(HST whips Lou into the corner, and charges in with a clothesline, he comes out with a bulldog)
RED: How in the world is Lou going to survive this match! RACKY: By his skills... so RIP Lou Szer
(HST scoops Lou up with ease and slams him down, he goes to climb the ropes)
LUKE: HST is signalling that he's gonna end it!
RACKY: What I'm wondering is, what in the world does HST stand for..
(HST comes off with a guillotine legdrop, but Lou moves, he moves back and rolls HST up)
RED: Don't even tell me...
(Referee counts: 1--2--3!)
The Winner:
Lou Szer
(See Lou jump up and start to dance around the ring screaming "I'm a winner, I'm a winner")
LUKE: And Lou's fans are going crazy!
RACKY: They're already crazy Luke, but now they're cheering for this retard!
(The cameras cut away to the backstage area, where Mike Haggar is seen storming through the hallways. Members of his legal entourage "Team Domination" flank him. Damon Ronalds rushes up to Mike and shoves a microphone in his face.)
DAMON: Mr. Haggar, may I have a moment of your time, please?
HAGGAR: I don't have any time. Out of my way.
DAMON: Just a word please. We're all curious to know: Why this animosity? Why this aggression? Why do you take victories to extravagant levels of barbarism?
HAGGAR: (smiling) Barbarism… I like that. Barbarism… That a word you heard in college? Read about in grade school? You know what that word means?
DAMON: Well, I—
HAGGAR: Shut up. Just ask Darrel Anderson when I get done with him tonight. Then you'll know barbarism. Down with the TWF! Long live the IWA!
(Haggar shoves Damon out of his way and continues towards the curtain to the ringside area.)
(Fade back out into the arena, "Paint It Black" by The Rolling Stones plays as Mike Haggar walks down the aisle, Team Domination accompanies him to the ring)
RED: This is it... Tennesee Title Match
LUKE: One man will walk out the champion...
RACKY: (interupting) And the other will be Darrel... as much as I hate this whole IWA crap... I have zero confidence in Darrel...
("Just Push Play" by Aerosmith plays and the crowd rises and starts to roar with cheers)
RACKY: Why are these people cheering... it's Darrel
LUKE: They love this man, and who can blame em...
RACKY: Me I guess
(Darrel steps out from the curtain, he is followed by Dan Sweeny still in a huge knee brace, and walking with the assistance of a cane. They make their way down the aisle)
RED: Dan is brave coming out here, especially after messing with Haggar last week. LUKE: He said he wasn't afraid to use that cane... hopefully this will be a fair match.
TENNESSEE TITLE MATCH
Mike Haggar
(c) vs Darrel
RED: Can you see the apprehension in Darrel's eyes
RACKY: Can you blame him, Mike Haggar is built like a truck
(They lock up, Haggar quickly scoops Darrel up into a millitary press, and just drops him to the mat)
LUKE: Yikes
RACKY: Well Darrel is approaching him like an idiot. Stick and move, not just stand there and wait for the big guy with the muscles to hurt you! This is why I have no faith in Darrel
(As Haggar approaches Darrel crawls through his legs and dropkicks him in the back Haggar staggers into the corner. Darrel takes a few steps back and splashes Haggar face first into the corner)
RED: This crowd is electrified at the site of Haggar staggered
(Darrel starts to whip Haggar across the ring, but changes his mind, and whips back into the corner he was in, the referee occupied that corner, and the ref goes down)
LUKE: "Gentle" Ben Pace is a big man, but he dropped as Haggar crushed him
(Darrel climbs to the top rope, and executes a top rope bulldog on to Haggar. Darrel stands and points to the crowd)
RED: Big mistake
RACKY: The adreneline is pumping, if I were in there I'd just still be kickin tail, but Darrel likes these people... what a doofus!
(Darrel tosses Haggar to the floor. He takes a run and dives through the ropes to take him down)
LUKE: Sweeny's cheering him on
(Tod of Team Domination comes around, but Dan punches him in the face knocking him down)
RED: Dan's watching Darrel's back... this IS going to be a fair match.
(Darrel tosses Mike back into the ring, and assends to the top turnbuckle. He jumps, but Haggar clotheslines him out of the air)
LUKE: Yeeps!
RACKY: Will the person in the 12th row kindly give us Darrel's head back!
(Mike picks Darrel up, and executes a running powerslam. He climbs to the second rope, and executes a senton bomb)
RED: He's just making his rounds now.
RACKY: Now he's just toying with Darrel... and thats sad to see
(Mike sets Darrel up on the top rope, and starts to superplex, but Dan holds Darrels leg. Mike climbs down and points at Sweeny)
LUKE: Dan, don't!
(Dan slides into the ring)
RED: Cane or not, Dan is still very injured right now, and Mike can just make it worse
(Dan and Mike get into each others face)
RACKY: I think even I commend Dan's bravery right now.
(They step apart, Mike turns his back and Dan brings up his cane)
RED: The crowd is abuzz... DO IT!!!!!
LUKE: I agree, punk him out Dan!
(Dan takes a step and swings, but he turns and nails Darrel. He rears back and nails Darrel again)
RED: What the hell!!!!!
(Dan Sweeny and Mike Haggar shake hands and pull each other in for a hug
LUKE: I'm going to throw up.... anybody got any Pepto...
RED: Make it a double... no ice!
RACKY: Oh my god... this is so great!!!
(Dan slides out of the ring,l and starts to revive the ref, Mike pulls Darrel down and hooks Darrel up for The Enforcer. He goes for the cover)
LUKE: Not like this!
(The referee slowly revives and makes his way over)
RED: After those wide open cane shots plus The Enforcer, you can count to 100... this is wrong!
(The referee slowly counts: 1----2----3!)
The Winner:
Mike Haggar
(Team Domination starts to escort Dan Sweeny out of the ring, one of them passes Dan a briefcase)
LUKE: Dan had to be who he and Team Domination was talking about earlier.
(Dan makes his way up to the broadcast area, he pulls the headset off of Red Simmons head and starts to talk)
DAN SWEENY: Who is the smartest man alive, I'll tell you who, me! Dan Sweeny just made the biggest score of his life. You see that man in the ring? No, not the putz on the ground, but the big guy, the champion, the one that's built like a brick {BLEEP}house? That's the man that's been speaking the truth for weeks. Wrestling was better when it was ruled by Max Steele and the IWA. Hell I know it, because I was there. I know Racky knows, I carried his daddy to a tag title there, well carried is a strong word. Dickie is a helluva guy, and he may be next. You see this isn't a takeover, this is a showoff. This is the IWA showing the rest of the wrestling world why we ruled the wrestling world for so long. Why our ratings were the best, and our buyrates made other companies, this one included, look like amateurs in contention. This was a long time in the making, and it's only the beginning!
(Dan pulls the headset off and throws it away as he hobbles off)
LUKE: That ungrateful son of a....
RACKY: Still... I always admire turns on Darrel!
(See an EMT crew in the ring slowly moving Darrel to a stretcher)
RED: That was a hard wood cane that he just bounced off of Darrel's head twice. I felt it as Dan was up here, hard wood, with a laquer coating.
(We find Diamond Dallas Scott backstage, striding down the hallway to his dressing room. The TWF superstar has a lot on his mind with his big World Title shot looming next week and Jon Sullivan's final match in pro-wrestling right here, tonight. Two huge matches in such a short time will weigh heavy on anyone's mind.) (DDS strides on and finally reaches his dressing room. He looks on, further down the hallway where Gideon Trait and Oscar are seen charging up to him.)
GIDEON: "DDS… DDS!!! Wait up!!!"
DDS: "What's up guys??"
GIDEON: "We just come to wish you good luck for this week."
DDS: "Thanks guys. I appreciate it."
OSCAR: "And lets not forget next week."
GIDEON: "Why yes. How could I have forgotten the biggest darn match in your career to date. Your shot at the big one. Your big chance to sort out that IWA ewok hunter from Mars, MOX."
OSCAR: "Aren't ewok's from Endor?"
DDS: "Endor was actually a forest moon."
GIDEON: "Is it? I never knew there were forests on the moon. I thought that it was made of cheese."
OSCAR: "Yummmy."
DDS: "Huh?"
GIDEON: "That is just not proper England. It should be… HUGH?"
DDS: "Whatever, but as much as I would love to stand around and discuss the merits of my grammar and what type of cheese the moon is made of, I really must get myself psyched up for this match. I mean, I have two huge matches all in the space of two weeks. It's having a negative effect on my libido."
OSCAR: "Hugh?"
GIDEON: "Doctor Evil has stolen his MOJO."
OSCAR: "Oh. Best you get it back then or else Mrs. DDS ain't going to be a very happy lady there, Austin."
DDS: "Guys, if that is it, I must disappear now."
OSCAR: "Wow, he does magic to?"
DDS: "Look, I haven't got time for your shenanigans. Please get away from my door so that I may prepare myself."
GIDEON: "Well Dallas, we just come here to wish you good luck in the next two weeks, ESPECIALLY, next week."
DDS: "Thanks a lot guys. Like I said before it is appreciated."
GIDEON: "I'd also like to say that we have your back covered and that Mike Haggis and his IWA hags want to interfere, then we will be there to interfere with their interference."
DDS: "Wow, it's great to know that I can count on somebody backstage to cover my butt."
GIDEON: "That's right buddy, while we are around you need not worry about the Scottish sausage man getting in the way."
DDS: "Wow, what overwhelming support for your next TWF World Champion."
OSCAR: "Well, all I can say is that you have big KAHUNAS."
GIDEON: "Yeah, the way you just strode out to the ring last Sunday and said…HEY BUTTHEADS… WATZUP???"
OSCAR: "Yep, that defiantly takes big KAHUNAS."
DDS: "Gee… Thanks guys."
GIDEON: "Don't worry, we love guys with big KAHUNAS."
DDS: "We are just so cool."
(The three TWF superstars celebrate extravagantly, high fiving one another and doing a mad dance for joy. DDS finally stops dancing and makes his apologies.)
DDS: "Excuse me guys but I must make myself scarce before them IWA types get some rather unpleasant ideas to put me out of next weeks match."
GIDEON: "Like I said Dallas. You have nothing to worry about where those Trads are concerned. What you should be worried about is…"
(Gideon grabs Dallas and gives him the "DumbA$$ Drop" from pits of Hades. Dallas' head bounces off the concrete floor as his forehead splits wide open from the immense impact. Gideon gets up and dusts himself off.)
GIDEON: "ME!!!!!!!"
OSCAR: "Ouch, that looked like it hurt."
GIDEON: "Well, at least he doesn't look like much of a SmartA$$ anymore."
OSCAR: "He won't look like a SmartA$$ at all after this."
(Oscar picks up Dallas and rubs his face between his huge buttocks before sitting on his face, all whilst passing wind.)
GIDEON: "Darn, that was lethal."
OSCAR: "Darn, those big KAHUNAS seem to have shrunk in somewhat of a hurry."
GIDEON: "Man, this guy is no better than those two idiots who decided to ripped off "The Think Tanks" gimmick."
OSCAR: "Ummm, I think that was us."
GIDEON: "Was it?"
OSCAR: "I think so."
GIDEON: "Oh well then, in that case, he must be pretty darn good then."
OSCAR: "Yeah baby."
(They look at one another and give each other the high five.)
GIDEON and OSCAR [in unison]: "WE RULE!!!"
("The Stink Tank" turn and leave the scene leaving Dallas in a puddle of his own blood and seemingly dying of asphyxiation as the scene fades back to the capacity who chant… "STINK TANK… STINK TANK!!!")
RACKY: OK... Darrel I almost understand, but cheering for these disgusting morons?
(Fade backstage, see Cunning Chris Crossward with a baseball bat keeping some production people at bay)
CHRIS: I don't want to wrestle, and I don't have to! I'm better than JackylFan, I'm faster than JackylFan, I'm Younger than JackylFan... and um... I can outdrink JackylFan
(The camera zooms on JackylFan standing off in a corner enjoying a bottle of VooDoo he takes a big swig and walks up to CCC, he spits it in his face, which blinds CCC)
JACKYLFAN: You can't even hold a small sip!
(JF grabs CCC by his ear, and starts to drag him out to the ring)
RED: Well, I didn't think this match was the next one, but in the TWF ya never know
RACKY: True that~! I mean I got stabbed by Don Haney... and now he's my uncle? What the heck?
(JF throws CCC in by his ear)
JackylFan vs Cunning Chris Crossward
(JF regrabs the ear, and tosses him over with it)
LUKE: OK... I've heard of an armdrag, but never an eardrag!!
(JF climbs the ropes, and comes off with a missile dropkick right to the side of CCC's head)
RED: That ear is cut open!
(JF repeatedly punches CCC right into the ear. CCC starts to walk, but falls quickly)
LUKE: His equilibrium is gone
(JF pulls a bottle of VooDoo out of his pocket, and forces CCC to drink, CCC starts to spit right away, and starts to choke)
RED: JF is out to humiliate CCC for that comment! JF is also the man who will face the world champion on Pay Per View!
(JF asks the ref to look the other way, he does. JF breaks the bottle over the side of CCC's head)
LUKE: This is getting brutal.
(JF covers CCC)
RACKY: This is great! There's nothing I love more than to see the suffering of others... well except an N Sync concert.
(Referee counts: 1--2--3)
The Winner:
JackylFan
(JF pulls down CCC's shorts, and reveals "Adam Young" Underoos CCC quickly runs out of the arena)
RACKY: Adam Young Underoos!!!! That's just sick!!
(Fade back to the medical room. Darrel sits up)
DOCTOR: No Darrel, we need to finish checking you out.
DARREL: Later.... right now I want to find that son of a bitch, and make sure I rip that bad leg off!
(Darrel stands, and runs out of the room)
RED: Darrel is hot on the case of one Dan Sweeny, and I hope he catches him, and beats him to death
("Self High Five" plays as the crowd rises in anticipation)
LUKE: In this match we say goodbye to a great superstar...
(Diamond Dallas Scott emmerges from behind the curtain, bandage on his head and walks down the aisle)
RED: DDS got jumped earlier by The Stink Tank, and now he has to face Jon Sullivan!
("Thunderstruck" by AC/DC plays)
RACKY: And now here comes the quitter!
( Jon Sullivan steps out from behind the curtain. You can see the emotion on his face as he slowly walks down the aisle. You can see by the look in his eyes he is trying to take it all in for one last time. He takes the time to shake several hands, and even sign several autographs, he steps into the ring waves to the crowd and then looks across to his opponent)
Jon Sullivan's Retirement Match
Diamond Dallas Scott vs Jon Sullivan
(They lock up, DDS pushes Jon back into the corner, and breaks cleanly. They lock up again, this time Jon pushes DDS to the corner and breaks clean)
RED: These two have no animosity towards each other. It's just a match for old times sake
RACKY: Yes and it is boring!
(They lock up, Jon goes low and takes DDS over in a firemans carry. He covers, referee counts: 1---- DDS kicks out. DDS gets to his feet, and lokcs on a side headlock, Sullivan quickly pushes DDS off into the ropes DDS comes back with a shoulderblock. He goes off the ropes, Sullivan drops to his stomach, as DDS comes back, Jon uses his legs as a catapult throwing DDS out of the ring)
LUKE: The crowd is divided, but all cheers at that exchange
(DDS slides in the ring, and holds his hand out, offering a test of strength)
RACKY: Which one will cheat first!
(Jon accepts it, and pay... DDS quickly overpowers him, and Jon bridges back, Jon starts to come back up)
RED: Look at the strength of Sullivan!
(DDS trips Jon down and drops an elbow, he picks Sullivan up, and slams him down hard into the canvas)
LUKE: DDS is very competitive and he will face the winner of tonights main event for the world title next week
(DDS climbs to the second rope, and he drops an elbow right into the chest of Sullivan. He picks Sullivan up, and hits The Diamond Killer)
RED: Diamond Killer!!!
(DDS covers. Referee counts: 1--2--- Jon kicks out)
LUKE: Oh my goodness! I've never seen anyone kick out of the Diamond Killer!!!
(DDS dejected hooks Sullivan up for a suplex, but Sullivan takes him down with a small package)
LUKE: Small Package!!!
(Referee counts: 1--2--3!)
The Winner:
Jon Sullivan
(Sullivan and DDS shake hands and hug center ring. )
RED: Now this is what this sport is all about!
(From the crowd emmerges Motorhead Massacre, he cracks both men with a chair)
LUKE: How can Motorhead Massacre ruin a moment like this!
(He rolls Jon Sullivan out of the ring, he also grabs a table and sets it up)
RACKY: No, THIS is what this sport is all about!
(Motorhead sets DDS on the table, and pulls a bottle out of his pocket)
RED: Lighter Fluid
(Motorhead lights it, and starts to climb the ropes.... but out of the crowd again comes Paul Richards. He shoves DDS off of the table, and hooks Motorhead up)
LUKE: This is gonna hurt!
(Paul Richards powerbombs Motorhead Massacre through the flaming table. )
RACKY: Wow, Motorhead Massacre got a taste of his own medicine!
(Fade backstage, see a cadre of police officers surrounding OutKast and Kurt)
OUTKAST: You can't arrest me again... I'm out on bail.
OFFICER: Mr OutKast you are under arrest for suspicion of kidnapping, you can come with us now, or we can use force
OUTKAST: Fine... I'll just bail out again
KURT: Uh, Kast? Our match is next
OUTKAST: Tell these fools that.....
(The police officers haul OutKast out)
LUKE: So OutKast is on his way to The Big House, and Kurt has been left alone.
(See Kurt walk down the aisle alone.)
RED: This doesnt look good, for the brother of OutKast
(The Dickheads rush out, and attack Kurt from behind and toss him into the ring)
Winner Gets Tag Title Shot at PPV
OutKast and Kurt vs The Dickheads
(The Dickheads whip Kurt into the ropes and execute a flapjack)
LUKE: Kurt is.. well... dead
(The Dickheads execute a double DDT and covers)
RACKY: Ha Ha Ha... if only it was OutKast in there!
(Referee counts: 1--2--3)
The Winners:
The Dickheads
RED: And with the re-arrest of OutKast, The Dickheads move on to the Pay Per View without a problem.
(Fade to the locker room area. See Dr Winston standing in front of two pieces of bread. One piece is covered in jelly. The other is plain)
DR WINSTON: Wow, after I win this match I'll be able to coat this other piece of bread
(Suddenly Doc is grabbed from behind in the sleeperhold. See Darrel, the one who is applying it)
DARREL: WHERE IS HE??
DOC: Where is who?
DARREL: Don't try to hide him. I want to know where Dan is now!
DOC: Dude, I know nothing about Dan, he and I hardly ever talk. I havent even seen him since he was in the hospital.
DARREL: Yer his best friend... you'd hide him!
DOC: No I'm not, and no I wouldn't. Dan is evil, and I saw what he did to you. It's the same thing he did to me man, and it sucks. Eventually Dan is going to learn that he needs to be accountable for his actions.
DARREL: Yeah, yer right.
DOC: I know... now can you let me go. I don't wanna go to sleep right now, I have a match!
DARREL: Yeah (Releases)
DOC: I hope you find him, and I hope you beat the crap out of him.
DARREL: Thanks
DOC: I'd stay here and wax philosophically with you, but I gotta meet my girl and go whoop some ass
DARREL: Good luck man
DOC: Thanks!
(Doc exits, follow him as he meets up with Penny Lane, they walk arm in arm up to the curtain)
(Fade back out into the arena. "Pop" by Nsync plays)
RACKY: The best enterance music in the business man!
(Dr Winston and Penny Lane emmerge from behind the curtain to a roar from the crowd)
RED: Some say that Doc's potential may finally be reached, and he may finally break into stardom
RACKY: This man has had "it" for a long time...
("Enter Sandman" by Metallica plays see Hardcore Jay stand in the crowd chugging a beer, meanwhile Jobber The Hutt runs down the aisle)
Winner gets Nsync Tickets, and A Years
Supply of Jiffy Peanut Butter
Dr Winston O'Boogie vs Hardcore Jay vs Jobber
The Hutt
(Jay and Hutt enter at the same time, and both charge Doc. Jay swings with his Singapore cane, but Doc ducks, and it connects with Hutt knocking Hutt to the floor. Doc dropkicks the cane into Jay's face)
RACKY: You know something, when I think of great Peanut Butters, I think of Jiffy...
LUKE: 20 bucks?
RACKY: 30... Jiffy is much more generous
(Doc sets Jay on the top rope, he executes The Double Fantasy)
RED: Top Rope Frankensteiner
RACKY: Still doesnt compare to Jiffy!
(Doc climbs to the top and jumps off with The Instant Karma)
LUKE: Shooting Star Press!
(Doc covers, referee counts: 1--2--3)
The Winner:
Dr Winston O'Boogie.
(He's handed an envelope and Racky signals him from the broadcast location)
RED: Why is he coming up here?
RACKY: Doc... I'll make a deal... you give me the Jiffy and the tickets, and I'll give you the Cruiserweight Title
(Doc nods his head. They trade)
RACKY: Ladies and gentlemen, your NEW TWF Cruiserweight Champ... Dr Winston O'Boogie!
RED: Is this official?
(Fade back into an office. The camera pans over to see Bill Gilman and Chris Haney)
BILL: We gonna make that title official?
CHRIS: Might as well, the little guys have been complaining
BILL: Speaking of complaining little guys, what are we gonna do about him?
(The camera pans over to see Adam Young struggling with the shackles, and gagged)
CHRIS: Let's give him to The Dickheads
BILL: Cool.
(The Dickheads enter, kick Adam Young a couple of times, pick him up and walk him out the door)
CHRIS: What about next week though? What should we book?
BILL: Man, you know I'm not even in the mood to think
CHRIS: OK... how's about JackylFan and Lord Byron III against HST Gonzo and Him
BILL: Why?
CHRIS: My own amusement?
BILL: Works for me
(Fade out to the arena)
RED: So The Think Tank, and The Wakkos are gonna be split up next week, just for Chris and Bill's amusement?
RACKY: And mine too... it'll be cool!
("Smooth Operator" by Sade plays, as HBM walks down the aisle)
LUKE: Heartbreak Meyers tries to add the TWF American title to his list of acolades!
(Ender starts to make his way down the aisle, but is attacked by Mike Haggar)
RED: What the hell does Haggar think he's doing?
(Haggar executes The Enforcer on Ender on the floor)
LUKE: Oh my god!
(Haggar tosses Ender into the ring)
American Title Match
HBM vs Ender
(c)
RED: This is a crime!
(HBM walks over and covers. Referee counts: 1--2--3)
The Winner:
Heartbreak Meyers
(Mike Haggar grabs a microphone)
MIKE: Just a reminder Brett, if yer with the cause of Max Steele, good things happen, if yer against the cause broken bones happen, and your comfort level with hospital beds rise!
LUKE: Creepy.
(Fade backstage Darrel is walking and encounters a large cloud of smoke. Within it he finds The Hippies Rosco and Ringo)
DARREL: What are you guys doing here?
RINGO: We came with all of Lou's Crew... it was cool. e were gonna wrestle tonight
ROSCO: But then we got high
DARREL: Have you guys seen Dan Sweeny?
RINGO: Oh yeah... we saw him come by! We were gonna follow him...
ROSCO: But then we got high
RINGO: We were gonna scream about it
ROSCO: But then we got high
RINGO: We were gonna chase him detective style
ROSCO: But instead we got high
RINGO: And now, I'm sorry man, but we're no help to you
ROSCO: Because we got high
DARREL: Thanks anyway guys
(Fade back out into the arena. See The Wakko's already in the ring, and The Stink Tank on their way down the aisle)
RACKY: Darrel asked The Hippies for help? You can see how dumb he truly is folks!
TAG TITLE MATCH
The Wakkos (c) vs
The Stink Tank
(Both teams stand face to face)
RED: One of these two teams will be the tag team champions, and will have the unenviable task of facing The Dickheads at TWF: New Generation on Pay-Per-View.
(All four start to throw punches, Oscar on LB3 and Him on Gideon. Oscar gets the advantage on LB3, and splashes him in the corner)
RACKY: Now that's a fun mismatch, a 400 pound afro-canadian, vs 183 pound Byron.
(Him clotheslines Gideon over the top rope and out of the ring. He grabs Oscar and suplexes him over)
LUKE: Him is huge, and he's muscling The Stink Tank around.
(Gideon enters and legdrops Him.)
RED: 400 pounds across the face of Him!
(Gideon covers, referee counts: 1--2--- Lb3 breaks up the pin)
RACKY: That pipsqueek makes the save!
(Oscar throws Lb3 out of the ring, Oscar stands over Him, and drops his weight on to the chest of Him. )
LUKE: Oh my goodness!
(Referee counts: 1--2--3!)
The Winners:
The Stink Tank
(LB3 reenters the ring and starts to punch at The Stink Tank, The Stink Tank exits the ring)
RED: The Stink Tank wins the Tag Team titles,
RACKY: By using their Big Butts!
RED: So it looks like we'll see The Stink Tank against The Dickheads at TWF New Generation!
("Better Days" by Uncle Kracker plays)
LUKE: Now who's music is this?
(Dan Sweeny emmerges from behind the curtain. In one hand he holds his cane that he uses to help him walk. In the other he carries the briefcase that "Team Domination" handed him.)
RED: Now here comes this..... man if you can call him that
LUKE: This crippled piece of {BLEEP}... pardon my language.
(Dan Sweeny enters the ring, and is handed a microphone)
DAN SWEENY: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness... it all depends on who you ask. But we're not talking about a tale of two cities, we're talking about a tale of two Dannies! Tonight I showed my true colors, and I showed Darrel how much of an idiot he really is, and I told him everything. You didn't even know Darrel... up until the moment I bashed your skull in with this very cane. The very cane I told you I wasn't afraid to use.... No Fear Darrel! I told you I would show you "Who's Who" and I did. IWA is who's who, and you Darrel are Who's Nothing. If you were in this ring, instead of laid up in the back, I would call you a fool right to your face. But since I cannot, you'll just have to catch this on Memorex...
(Suddenly "Just Push Play" by Aerosmith starts to play)
RED: I don't think Dan knows that Darrel's been trying to find him all night
LUKE: But he's about to find out...
(Darrel runs down the aisle, and clotheslines Sweeny down. He pulls the knee brace off and holds it up)
RACKY: Listen to the roar of these people...
(Sweeny kips up to his feet, takes his cane, and nails Darrel from behind)
LUKE: What the hell?
(Sweeny climbs to the top rope, and executes the Sweeny-Sizer on Darrel)
RED: His knee is fine! That Con-artist bastard! We haven't seen The Sweeny-Sizer in months!
(Sweeny continues to wear Darrel out with the cane)
LUKE: We need some help out here...
(Dr Winston starts to dash down the aisle and slides into the ring. Sweeny looks him over, they hug. Dan pulls back and hands him the cane. Doc uses it to nail Sweeny with, Sweeny grabs his briefcase and exits the ring)
RACKY: So wait... Dr Winston didn't help Dan?? Oh my goodness, I'm finally genuinely shocked
(As Dan starts to exit "Woke Up This Morning" by A3 starts to play, and Bill Gilman emmerges from behind the curtain)
BILL: Hello Danny... it's been such a long time since we talked. But hold on for a sec, I gotta make some announcements. First of all, the upcoming Pay-Per-View has some matches signed. The first being Paul Richards taking on Motorhead Massacre, The Second being The Stink Tank defending against The Dickheads, and the third being you Sweeny taking on Darrel
(See Dan react negatively)
BILL: And since it looks like yer knee is fine, and prime for climbing, why don't we make this a ladder match.... have fun!
(Bill exits, Dan follows closely behind complaining)
RED: Now this is huge! Darrel vs Dan at TWF New Generation in a Ladder Match!
(See Dr Winston helping Darrel out of the ring)
RACKY: I'm still surprised Doc helped Darrel.... if it was against anyone but Sweeny I'd take my belt back
(Jack Bone makes his way to the ring)
LUKE: Well after that scene it's main event time! Jack Bone making his way to the ring, for his shot at the World Title
RED: I'm amazed how much Haney is making MOX defend as we closer to New Generation.
(Master Of Xtreme walks down then aisle and enters the ring)
RACKY: And here's come the world chumpion
RED: You mean champion
RACKY: Nope, I don't.
MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE MATCH Master Of Xtreme (c) vs Jack Bone
(They lock up, Bone quickly kicks MOX in the gut, and slams him to the mat)
RED: Jack Bone is not an easy customer folks, Bone is a former BTW World Champion
RACKY: I could be the BTW World Champion
RED: Correct, in your time you were a great competitor
RACKY: No I mean now, crippled and all...
(Jack Bone drops an elbow. He picks MOX up, and attempts a suplex, but MOX blocks it)
LUKE: Technical wrestling from MOX?
RACKY: Don't be so surprised... even Chris Haney knows how to block a suplex
(MOX sets Jack on the top rope, MOX starts to assend with Jack but he's shoved off, Jack jumps off but is caught with a boot from MOX)
RED: Wait... why is JackylFan coming down the aisle
(See JackylFan making his way down the aisle, and to ringside)
LUKE: Well, he exposed CCC for the kind of person he really is tonight... but he's gotta be focused on the PPV match.
(MOX whips Jack into the ropes, and back bodydrop's Jack right near JF.)
RACKY: Do something JF... come on!
(As MOX walks over by JF, JF breaks a bottle of VooDoo over his head. Referee calls for the bell)
RED: You got your wish Racky... JF is getting him some.
The winner:
Master Of Xtreme
(JF continues to pound MOX until...)
("Self High Five" plays.... Diamond Dallas Scott runs down the aisle. JF scatters. DDS helps MOX up)
LUKE: What a great show of sportsmanship by DDS
(DDS nails MOX with the Diamond Killer you can see him mouth "See You Next Week")
RED: Diamond Killer!
RACKY: That's what I like to see
LUKE: But folks we're out of time... we'll see you live next week, goodnight!!!